SEASON 2, EPISODE 12

Season TWO – Episode 12 – “The Fish Gods Must Be Crazy”

The caravan of anticipatory anglers came to a screeching halt when they reached Yello Dawg pass. Groups of guides and guests exited vehicles and quickly made their way down trails to the fishing grounds. The morning was chilly and there was fog below the banks hugging the waters of the Windrush River.

Jackie Loonsuckle unpacked gear from the rear of a Chevrolet Suburban. He would be assisting with the film shoot today and was also thinking “The Fish Gods Must Be Crazy” to put these two women on the same waters on the same day.

Sally Squatsnfishes had film rolling as she dawned a new Women’s Fin Fisher 7-Layer Ripstop Jacket presented by Helly Hansen. She then slipped comfortably into a new pair of fly-fishing waders, grabbed her gear, and made her way toward the water. The camera crew had positioned itself at the river bottom, looking for a vertical-up shot, as she would make her way down to the river’s edge.

Designed for women the Fin Fisher slides on and off with ease per the chance of changing weather conditions. The jacket is windproof, waterproof, breathable, and damn near catches fish for you.

Feeling particularly spicy on this gorgeous fall morning… Sally opted out on the winding walking trail that led some forty feet down to the river bottom… And instead chose a beaver slide technique by going directly downhill on her fanny and then sticking a perfect two-point landing within inches of the water.

Her entourage applauded while lead-film-man Archer Sting roared approvingly, “I got the shot! I got the shot! Sally, you are so AWESOME!”

Ellie Waylayer made rounds up and down the trails of the Windrush River, assuring that her guests were appropriately supplied, and guides were attending to their required duties. Her attention to detail was flawless and as an operations person she made the Gold Rope Ranch hit on all cylinders.

There was an extra hop in her step today as well… Ellie had decked herself out from head to toe in the most current women’s fly-fishing fashions… She wore a splendid pair of light gray Patagonia waders, an ultra-blue Simms wading jacket, and topped it off by wrapping her blonde hair in a pony and slipping it under a dark-blue Costa visor.

Her guests thanked her with vigor as she made her way from group to group. Once everyone was dialed, she would have some quiet time for casting thoughts and nymphs for trout.

Sally was more than capable of getting trout to take a fly. Much in the same way she was capable of luring Jackie Loonsuckle to her side for some “advanced casting lessons”.

“Shouldn’t I be able to get more distance on my streamer,” she posed to Jackie. “Maybe my casting elbow is at an awkward angle?”

And just like that he was standing directly behind her with both arms wrapped in hers and mouth close enough to whisper directions in her ear. “Here, let me see if I can help,” he offered.

     “Casting a streamer doesn’t have to look as pretty as you. We just need to slow down your cast and widen your loop.”

Of course, Sally knew full well what it took to cast across the river. She could hit a gnat in the ass with a streamer at 60 yards. And as the patchy morning fog continued to lift, she could also hit Ellie Waylayer where it hurt and watch her hackles go up.

The two women stood directly opposite each other, standing in knee deep water of the roaring Windrush River. Ellie preparing to cast and mend a nymph… Sally with Jackie’s arms wrapped around her, falsely casting a streamer.

Meanwhile, Archer Sting had the cameras rolling. And Sally’s support team watched with spirit.

“OK, I think I’ve got it now,” Sally indicated to Jackie in more ways than one. She had successfully placed a reputed hook in the side of his mouth and Ellie was on the opposite bank with a similar one in hers.

The further Sally cast the streamer, the tighter Jackie held her close, and the more infused Ellie became. Rushing your cast can cause problems. So can doing it in the arms of another woman’s man.

“OK, let me try it alone now,” Sally said as she faced Jackie with her fantastical smile. “I’m ready to get hooked up!”

Her first cast was at a 45-degree angle downstream from Ellie. Keeping the rod tip low, she pointed at the fly and let it sink deeper.

With a slow, steady retrieve, she made a few strips and then would pause for the streamer to take more current. “Keep that tip down,” she reminded herself.

At that exact moment she felt the line tighten and instead of raising her rod she correctly met the strike with an extended stripping hand and under tension placed the hook in the fish’s mouth. At that point… It was game on!

Right… Left… Downstream… Upstream… Bank to bank the rainbow trout took and gave line before submitting to the net. This was a big, weighted fly she was throwing. She had no intention of catching anything but big, weighted fish.

Ellie didn’t miss a beat. She had her nymph in the water and was mending the line before the hundreds of flashes from the photo blast of Sally and her catch was complete. With the fast-racing current she was fishing her line 20ft above the trout and was at the ready with the slightest twitch of the indicator (bobber).

Her first cast didn’t produce so she reset and presented the fly upstream to keep the fly, weight, and indicator in a straight line. Approaching the feeding column she again anticipated a bite, but this time it was cut short as Sally’s streamer hit the water downstream of her rig, and literally pulled a trout away inches from her nymph.

“The Fish Gods Must Be Crazy,” Jackie Loonsuckle again thought to himself, as he distantly watched this dueling battle of anglers (SALLY & ELLIE) begin to unfold.

–            To Be Continued –

SEASON 2, EPISODE 11

Season 2 – Episode 11 – “Go Big or Go Home”

 

Dawn at the Gold Rope Ranch… Rusty Flathers remains under the watchful eye of the house doctor (strict R and R) while a host of visitors, along with Sally and her film entourage, prepare for a full day of Blue Ribbon trout fishing. For the past five consecutive years the ranch has been designated by the state of Montana as the premier destination for a recreational fishery of extremely high quality.

Two women sat opposite each other in the Marabou Anglers Club House of the lodge. It was time for Sally Squatsnfishes to “Go Big or Go Home”… And Ellie Waylayer was very much at home.

Seventeen miles of the Windrush River cut its way through peaks and valleys of the ranch. The average currents range from 5-8mph. A fast pace for a drift boat… A dangerous speed for wading.

With a plethora of pictorial options (rainbow, brown, brook, cutthroat, bull) today’s primary target would be the historic rainbow trout. The state record in Montana is over 33-pounds… And it has been rumored on more than one occasion that Jackie Loonsuckle saw a larger fish roaming the waters on the ranch.

Fishing with streamers is a favorite way to target big fish during the fall season. But nymphing under an indicator (bobber) can also be highly effective. Either way… Fall trout on the Windrush River are looking to pack on calories for the winter and finding a cooperative bite is generally the norm.

Sally was a streamer… Outfitting herself with a Sage Igniter. Her preference was to look for aggressive fish with Satkowski Shake & Bake streamers, and the 9-foot 6-weight rod is designed to handle larger loads. With its super-fast taper an angler can cut through the wind like a hot knife through butter.

Ellie was a nympher… With a soft spot for a prized Winston Air 2 rod. This is the ultimate nymphing rod… A true workhorse at 10-feet 7-weight it can handle large trout with a “do anything and everything” attitude.  For a trophy presentation she was preparing to fish a Flashback Pheasant Tail that creates bubbles and mimics the hatching process of late fall flies.

“Good morning gals!” announced Jacke Loonsuckle. “The trucks are loaded… Are we ready to get ‘em?”

Neither woman responded as Sally slipped on her fashionable HELLY TECH jacket and exited the room without so much as a nod. The two-layer construction of fabric was built to battle the elements, and there was obviously a brewing confrontation.

Ellie shrugged her shoulders and pushed past Jackie on her way to meet and organize the balance of the ranch’s angling visitors. She would deal with Sally when they got to the river.

Jackie was a fly-bum… That is how he met Ellie at Montana State University, and this is what he continues to be. They are a couple, but when the bite calls, he will travel the globe with little correspondence as Ellie holds down the proverbial fort at the ranch. This relationship of convenience has lasted the better part of eight years, but his straining lack of commitment was evident today, as she briskly paced away from him and marched toward her true passion (running the day-to-day operations at the ranch).

A parade of vehicles packed with guides – fly fishing gear – food – beverages – anxious anglers, was parked bumper to bumper as the corral gate was opened by Ron Heimburg and Geoff Loonsuckle. This signaled departure time for all anglers, and the co-owners wished them well as they passed by on the two-track heading for the banks of the Windrush River.

“Good luck gang,” they shouted as each group passed through the gate. “We’ll see ya for happy hour!”

Have you ever wanted someone to notice you so badly that it hurt? That was Rusty Flathers… He would purposely lag after high school basketball practice. Always being the last one to shower… And always being the last one to leave the locker room… Alone.

Reason being? When he came up from the locker and made his way toward the exit he would have to pass through the school commons. Coincidently (NOT) this was also a time he would often see Ellie Waylayer sitting alone at a cafeteria table, spinning a pencil, tackling homework, and waiting for one of her parents to pick her up for a ride home.

At first it was a glance… Then maybe a nod… And finally, it was a more cordial “Hello”.

Rusty spent his entire high school senior year working up the courage to ask Ellie on a date. But he never got up the nerve to make it happen.

Then summer came and Ellie was first to make a move. Thank God!

Short of attacking him at the local quarry during a swimming bash… If it were not for her… There would have always been a “what if” stuck to his stack of sticky note regrets. She had been his one and only romance, prior to his most recent with Sally.

All went silent outside his window. The final vehicle departed the ranch making its way with the parade of trucks and SUVs to the fishing grounds. Almost as silent was Sally Squatsnfishes, per the lack of attention she was displaying toward Rusty, in his current state of recovery.

Since the bison incident… She had visited his room exactly ONCE. Sally could be a hard woman at times. But as Rusty lay in bed sifting through the events of the past 48-hours he could not help but wonder if it was over between the two of them.

Ellie on the other hand… A kindred soul. Not only did she save his life, but she also made hourly visits to his bedside and asked sincere questions about his physical well-being.

“Get your head in the game Rusty!” He inaudibly told himself. “How many damn times has Sally saved your ass and never asked anything in return? YES! Too many to count!”

“Ellie is not interested… She’s told you as much… And she’s with wonder boy Jackie Loonsuckle.”

These third person discussions can be exhausting.  “Go Big or Go Home” his father Doobie Flather used to tell him. And Rusty was thinking maybe it was time to go home.

–            To Be Continued –

OCTOBER 13 BALLARD’S RESORT FISHING REPORT

OCTOBER WALLEYE FISHING. BALLARD'S RESORT. LAKE OF THE WOODS.
OCTOBER WALLEYE FISHING. BALLARD'S RESORT. LAKE OF THE WOODS.

OCTOBER 13-

Hey Sportsfans!

100… 125… 150… 161 fish!!! The clicker on Capt. ZB’s boat was put to good use on Monday. You gotta love to see it… and we saw many boats having 100+ fish days this week.  

The high winds from last weekend caused the south shore water to be extremely dirty… killing the action close to home. 

Needing to find fish, the guides ventured back to Garden Island and found great success fishing in 20-28′, anchored and jigging with a minnow. 

When the weather and wind deterred the guides from going on to the lake, they fished where they could… the Rainy River. Picking away at a few fish here and there, they did not have overwhelming success on those days. All of that could change quickly though as the shiners have started to run. 

That’s all for this week. #SETTHEHOOK

SEASON 2, EPISODE 10

OCTOBER FISHING. RAINY RIVER. LAKE OF THE WOODS. BALLARD'S RESORT.
OCTOBER FISHING. RAINY RIVER. LAKE OF THE WOODS. BALLARD'S RESORT.

Season TWO – Episode 10 – “Hot Mess”

Ron’s gag reflux went into overdrive, as the lead cameraman standing nearby, lost his proverbial cookies. His were not the only eyes to see the razor-sharp arrow tip rip through Rusty’s hand. This was turning into a Monfuckingtana HOT MESS!

YES… Jackie Loonsuckle shot the bull with Sally Squatsnfishes bow and arrow.

NO… It was not a direct hit as viewed by Ron Heimburg and film-man Archer Sting.

Through the cold and the snow and the wind, each set of eyes (including Rusty’s) had seen the Easton XX75 Camo Hunter Arrow tipped with a Grim Reaper Pro Series 124 Grain Blade, go through the bison-hair-clasping-hand of Rusty Flathers.

Lead guide… Jackie Loonsuckle… Had been well off target…

 

Rusty’s hand was stuck to the bull’s ass with an arrow… It was an errant attempt of misjudged shooting… And now a much-angered 2000-plus-pound bison-bull continued racing to the wild west.

Oddly, the blustery winds subsided. The snow remained heavy, but casted a calm silence over the landscape. Then a lone rider from the south came into view wearing a trendy cowgirl hat. From a distance it appeared to be a woman sporting a Distressed Camel Colored Fedora. It was an extremely trendy hat reflecting a timeless Western charm.

The cowgirl leaned into the headwind with her leather chinstrap cinched tight. Her bleach blonde locks were flowing evenly in the airstream. Digging her spurs into the jet-black American Quarter Horse, the animal with white stockings responded by accelerating past the hunting party. She was a freeway motorcyclist on a Kawasaki crotch rocket.

Geoff Loonsuckle was the first to identify the lone rider… “That’s Ellie Wayler!” he shouted.

YES. It was Ellie… In hot pursuit of Rusty Flathers… And quickly closing her distance with a much-calculated angle of pursuit.

“Roll film! Roll film!” beckoned lead cameraman Archer Sting.

Snowflakes were showering her Mary Long, single-breasted, ranch hand, three-quarter-length, leather jacket. Drawing reins to her mouth she was grasping a stiff nylon lariat (best used for arena-style roping), and preparing to lasso a galloping bison at a speed of more than 40-MPH.

Closing in on her target… Ellie could see the bobble head of Rusty Flathers with the shaft of an arrow pinning his hand to the bull.

Split second decision! Circling once, circling twice, thrice overhead… She launched the lasso toward the front legs of the bull, set the rope, and cinched the line around the saddle horn.

Next move… Digging her heels into the stirrups… She stopped her mount on a dime and braced for the freight train to yield the slack.

A thunderous crash ensued as the bison’s front legs buckled, sending him into a headfirst dive across snow-covered grass. Ellie dismounted, raced to the lasso, broke the arrow shaft, and pulled Rusty to safety before a single onlooker took a breath.

On her knees… She held Rusty tight and wrapped an apple red bandana around his bloody paw. His heart was racing, his breathing irregular, and he was unresponsive.

Looking to the crowd of gawkers for assistance, she felt him nestling further into her arms. Then, caressing his forehead, she watched him mouth the words “thank you.”

The bison’s front half, being severely dismembered (front legs fractured), was lying motionless. Fountains of steam were pouring from his nostrils as Jackie Loonsuckle cautiously approached.

He loaded an arrow… Drew Sally’s compound bow… Aimed at its heart… And then jumped out of his boots when Sally pulled the trigger on a Remington .243 rifle. One that she had yanked from the long gun sleeve strapped on Ellie’s mount.

“That’s how you finish off a maimed animal, you dumb ass!” she cried.

Then she jacked the chamber until all cartridges were emptied… Thrust the firearm to the ground…   and rushed toward Ron and Geoff who stood with mouths wide open.

“We need to get the Gold Rope helicopter out here, now!” she ordered. And then continued marching around the crowd in a fit of hysteria, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, including Ellie Waylayer.

Sally’s emergency airflight commands were spot on… But her unwillingness to acknowledge her true feelings for Rusty were socked in with the clouds.

Later that evening, back at the ranch, a subdued bunch gathered for the post-hunt evening feast. With all the drama that had surrounded the day… Fresh bison steaks were stricken from the menu.

Rusty… Who was currently confined to his guest suite at the lodge… Was being cared for by the local “house doctor”.

Since returning in the ranch chopper his vitals had stabilized… There was no damage to the radial or ulnar arteries in his hand… And he was enjoying a heavy dose of morphine, being reminded not to drive, cycle, or operate heavy machinery.

Awkward was an understatement as Sally, Jackie, Ellie, Ron, and Geoff sat at the round table in the Ropers Lounge prior to dinner:

–            Geoff and Ron offered Sally the moon in respect to unlimited lifetime access to the ranch (in fear of a lawsuit).

–            Jackie repeatedly and sincerely apologized for his overzealous attempt to shoot the bull, thus putting Rusty further into harm’s way (strong like bull, dumb like ox).

–            Ellie remained calm and quiet… Not apologizing for her boyfriend’s action (YES, Jackie Loonsuckle is Ellie’s on again off again boyfriend of convenience)… Just stating the obvious that everyone was now safe, and it appeared as though Rusty would gain full recovery.

–            Sally was somber… The photo shoot for the hunt was a disaster… Her attempt to save Rusty had been one upped by this beautiful – blonde – horse riding – cowgirl – rope throwing – bison lassoing – magnificent – former girlfriend.

Sally’s phone went off, breaking the uncomfortable gathering. She excused herself from the table to take the call from her agent Ben T. Hook.

     “Hi Ben… YES, I am ok. NO, things didn’t go well today. Is there any chance you can get me out of here? OK… OK… OK… I understand… YES, I’ll make it happen.”

Ben T. Hook was all about protecting his famous outdoor fashion model. But he was also geared to collect profits from large corporate accounts like Helly Hansen.

His sense that Sally wanted to be removed from this HOT MESS in Montana was crystal clear…  But so were the dollar-signs attached to tomorrow’s photo shoot on her scheduled blue ribbon trout trip at the Gold Rope Ranch.

     “Faith, family, and ranchin’,” Ben said… Reminding Sally of what the Heimburg’s and Loonsuckle’s were all about. “You need to embrace this next challenge.”

And with that… Sally returned to the round table… Ordered herself a fresh frosty mug of beer… And for the first time made direct eye contact with Ellie Waylayer.

–            To Be Continued –