JULY 15 FISHING REPORT

Hey Sportsfans! 
 
End of June fishing went as expected… FANTASTIC! The jig bite was crazy, coolers were full, and large fish were caught. 
 
Rolling through the first weeks of July, the bite has been more variable. Fish counts have been dependent on… 
 
– wind conditions (too little wind and the fish were picky, too much wind and the guides couldn’t get where they wanted to go)
 
– the bug hatch (never avoidable, always annoying)
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Heading this way? Expect to fish in Little Traverse Bay, with the best fishing being roughly 27′ of water in the mud. Drifting with spinners has been significantly more effective than jig fishing. 
 
Hot colors have varied day to day, but the brighter the color, the better. Pack the bait cooler with frozen shiners and crawlers… both have been catching fish. 
 
The Long Point mud have been the golden ticket to catching slot fish… and if you’re lucky, and over. 
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Ready to Set the Hook? Reach out for our:
 
– Our Back to School Send Off…  August 24th -30th… Kids 12 and under get 20% off their package rate
 
– Fall Classic Special… discounted rates for September and October
 
#SETTHEHOOK

SEASON 3, EPISODE 27

Season Three – Episode 27 – “Gather Your Wits”

The spring sunrise greets FSFO (Flathers and Scales Fishy Outfitters) early on day seven. One full week remaining until the first guests of the first year of fishing camp business arrive.

Rusty is NOT rested. Matter of fact—513am—He’s still sitting straight as a statue on the davenport with Tawny sleeping peacefully—Her head on his lap. Whoops!

Whoops as in…. Rusty got zero winks last night…. Rusty needs to keep his focus on the camp…. Rusty needs to remind himself what “Link” (the British puppy) stands for….   HIS soulful connection and commitment to Sally Squatsnfishes.

Finally, Professor Scale morning grumbles from his recliner. It’s enough to stir Link from the throw rug, who in turn announces a new dawn at the camp with a rousing BARK (let me out to pee).

Now it’s Tawny’s turn to roust…. Whereas she finds herself comfortably placed on the couch…. She also (quite quickly) becomes uncomfortable with her position on Rusty’s lap.

Easy solution. Gather your wits. Face the day!

Except when she did…. She stared into his face and Rusty had that cross-eyed, smirky grin going. This was enough for her to sit backbone square and proceed to punch him just below the rib cage with a right hook.

As the air left his pipes he hunched over and gasped, “What was that for?”

  “For thinking anything you might not want to be thinking!” she responded. “Now why don’t you stop gawking at me and get some breakfast going. Today! And also, TODAY we’re going to build a bunkhouse with some private sleeping quarters. Priority of today!”

Short of a three-ring circus, the construction project began with an exhausted Rusty gathering tool supplies, only to watch Link snag them in his teeth and race off into the bush. Not exactly fetching—more on the taking spectrum. Huge learning curve to overcome.

Professor Scale was exactly that…. A professor. One who insisted on perfection…. Insisting that every measurement and cut be precise by exercising a “check it twice” rule.

          “We’re not building the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel,” Tawny commented. “It’s a fishing camp bunk house, hey.”

Between searching the bush for missing tools (scavenger hunt) and bringing them to Tawny… Rusty soon realized her indispensable talents. Even when he brought the wrong tool, or Cos took the wrong measurement, she still had the building framed, and the walls up quicker than you could catch a pre-spawn musky during the early smallmouth bass season. For those in the know—that’s quick! (and illegal 😊) Dammit Rusty!

The pace of the Three Eagles had also accelerated considerably. They reached Wylie Bay and Pollard’s place without a hiccup. Met a dude called Dusty Lensecap (eyeglasses thicker than Coke bottle bottoms) who ran the Lock It Up surf shack. And gained access to double-top-secret intel via the Royal Australian Navy through communication with their compadres in Oh Canada.

The girls were scurried to the surfboard storage basement where they watched a two-minute clip on Lensecap’s PC before it disintegrated into flames. Some powerful ideas were shared with Sally, Ellie and Hazel.

Random unidentifiable narrator on medium volume:

Hello Eagle’s…. It’s recently been brought to our attention that our mates in Canada uncovered some smothered bones belonging to one Ophelia Clamella Barnacle.

Before you ask questions…. Please know this….

Ophelia Clamella Barnacle was the heiress to the world famous and utterly wealthy Clamella family. We’re talking about seven generations of pearl harvesters. This dynasty was built on back pain. No easy work.

And this is interesting…. Ophelia actually enjoyed getting dirty. Her great-great-great-great grandmother Myrt Clamella once dove into the throws of a stormy sea to chase a clam the size of a miniature Dachshund, and it has been reported that Ophelia would do the same. Meaning? Do anything, and we say ANYTHING to remain insufferably rich.

She was also the wife, let me correct myself, ex-wife of one Admiral Horace Barnacle, chief pilot of the Blackfin Phantom Submarine.

Now here’s where the story gets smelly… This wasn’t just some unhappy ex-wife. And certainly, not some lady that was randomly bouncing around NW Ontario and accidentally slipped into a septic tank and died.

NO—Ophelia broke ties with Horace. It’s believed she went rogue with an eastern bloc influencer. This person was a proposed double agent stationed at a top-secret freshwater research facility on Lac des Bois. This site was strictly referred to by Canadian black ops as KRKN-8. They were investigating the potential of moving Kraken subspecies through underwater fault lines connecting deep oceans to interior lakes.

YES—This means our Canadian friends were investigating schemes to get ahead of any potential Kraken infestations.

NO—With Ophelia and whomever her counterpart was (male / female) running rouge she was not chasing clams. She was chasing MONEY! Her relationship with Barnacle had gone south and so had the clam business.

YES—We also, through Ophelia and Admiral Barnacle, have been able to trace DNA samplings pinning your “Too Tall and Shorty Short” as estranged children of the unhappy couple. Seems as though they are also playing a mix in this Kraken caper. We assume Horace to be clueless as ever. We assume Ophelia to be the brains behind the beast.

Final note Eagles: there are rumors now surfacing that Ophelia and her sons were smuggling Kraken egg sacs into NW Ontario and hiding them in septic systems on remote island fishing camps.

Your next move is to surf your way off coast to join up with the flight crew on the restored HMAS Melbourne. Rusty Lensecap has your longboards prepared. From there—each of you will board an F/A – 18F Super Hornet. At Mach 1.8 which is approximately 1381mph, we can have you settled in for an evening of fresh Canadian walleye shore lunch in two shakes of a spinning rod.

Now, Gather Your Wits, do either of you three ladies have contacts in the Lac des Bois region?

With this final statement—the HP Laptop burst into flames—and so did Sally’s image of Rusty and Cosmoid enjoying their first Canadian Walleye Fishing Opener at Flathers & Scales Fishy Outfitters.

–To Be Continued—

SEASON 3, EPISODE 26

Season Three – Episode 26 – “Lock it Up!”

As the Three Eagles continue their pursuit of The Kraken, the remains of one Ophilia Clamella Barnacle are shipped down east for forensic identification. The name on the watch resonates zero with local historians of the Lac des Bois region, but the mystery deepens once word gets to the Australian Navy and covert counterintelligence agent (Hired Gun) Ms. Sally Squatsnfishes.

Sally’s burner phone lit the back room of the surfer warehouse where she, Ellie, and Hazel were spending a less than pleasant evening camping out on boards. They’d drifted off course down a wayward alley, bumped into some street clowns looking to side hustle a game of craps, then opted to scale a fence and break the lock on a rear entrance to establish their own safe house.

“TRUST NO ONE” was the initial text message received on Eagle One’s phone.

          “Yeah… No shit…” she spoke above a hush and flashed the phone for Eagle Two and Three to view.

“BARNACLE IS THE KEY” ……………… Now downloaded and pulsed repeatedly on her screen.

          “They’re coding something about Barnacle,” Sally contributed. “But what would he have to do with The Kraken?” she followed, more asking herself than her teammates. “He was literally clueless on that submarine.”

Then the third and final message rapidly fired on Sally’s burner phone, “LACK OF CUP!”

“Lack of cup!?—what the—what’s that supposed to mean?” And this time she was searching for answers with Ellie and Hazel. “Is someone missing a bra, or a protective portion of their hockey uniform?”

Then a refreshed and obviously corrected message came through: LOCK IT UP!”

“Well, obviously we can’t trust anyone…. Barnacle or someone who knows Barnacle has something to do with The Kraken…. And there’s some sort of code, or news, or orders—maybe someplace on Bremer Beach where you would LOCK IT UP,” offered Ellie.

          “Maybe—Maybe—” thought Sally aloud. “Hey Haze—where do we go on Bremer Beach to get arrested?”

“Sally, I think it’s a code for surfing. Actually, I’m almost sure it is,” replied Hazel. “Back in the day I remember a story about a surfer dude, Sean Pollard, who was famous for surviving a shark-attack and later became an inspirational Paralympian. Dude opened a shack nearby—Wylie Bay—I’m guessing that’s our next waypoint for intel.”

          “And you put that next step together, how?”

“Oh—Yeah—The shack I’m referring to is called Lock It Up—As in taking on a mammoth wave and kicking some ass.”

          All right Eagles, we have a plan,” Sally informed them. “For the next eight hours we shut it down to recharge the engines. We take one-hour shifts to keep someone on alert. That puts us on our way to Wylie Bay at 0530 tomorrow morning.”

All went dark when Sally stood and then smashed the burner phone with her heel. “Well done low battery junk store flip phone, now die with honor.”

Then Ellie and Hazel propped boards against the corner wall, scrummaging around in the black abyss, making impromptu sleeping quarters. Each of the Eagles silently hoped this next wave of the journey would be as smooth as the wax on the hybrid longboards, they currently nestled amongst.

Sally had the last shift and struggled to keep the sleep wiped from her eyes. This whole mission, thus far, seemed as though it was going in no order, other than a huge circle. And here they were right back where they started. And nowhere near capturing The Kraken.

Her mind was drifting, “Don’t let The Kraken win…. Tell Barnacle the jellyfish owes me money….”

She pulled a Maglite from her boot strap, double-double checked her watch, then nudged Ellie and Hazel. “Time to rock and roll ladies—I’m figuring three to four hours travel time—And first we need to commandeer a 4WD vehicle for highway and beach travel.”

Hazel pulled a Slim Jim (non-edible / but handy for carjacking) from her backpack, “Sounds fun! I’m thinking full size—early 80’s—Chevy Blazer—baby blue with a white stripe on the panel. My father taught me how to use this thing. Said it’s the only gadget more reliable than the love of a border collie.”

          “Looks like someone’s excited to greet the day!” offered Ellie. “Let’s hit the streets and do some used vehicle shopping!”

“I admit—I like the enthusiasm,” Sally added. “You two lead the way, I’ll drift behind for cover.”

And with that, the three Eagles rose to shine and grind. Heads on a swivel—refreshed—destined for greatness. Out the door they trotted in the predawn unlit alley way. Two and a half blocks later they were eyeing up a late model Chevy Suburban with blacked out tinted windows.

Not exactly inconspicuous, but at this time, it would have to suffice. Tick tock goes the clock.

Hazel shuffled in low on the driver’s side with her trusty Slim Jim at the ready. Ellie ran opposite on the passenger side, while Sally slacked carefully behind for backup if needed. Ten seconds later, older model Chevy’s are extremely user friendly, Hazel popped the locks, and Ellie was under the dash working her magic.

“Oh, nice,” Hazel stated with approval as the engine sparked and the Sub came to life. “I’m guessing bored out 454ci rebuild—with an oversized cam—and the dual exhaust is certainly a sporty touch.”

Sally piled into the back seat, “This thing got gas?” she queried.

          “And then some!” Hazel exclaimed, pushing her foot to the floorboard—clearing any potential cobwebs. Then she dropped the gear shift into D drive, repeated the move, and tested the rear end for Posi traction as then burned their way sideways toward the middle of the street.

“Easy there Evel Knievel” Sally barked. “I’d like to make it to Wylie Bay in one piece!”

          She replied, “Copy that Eagle One,” then winked to her shotgun riding partner Ellie.

As the burning rubber subsided, they flew past a building that boasted a wall splattered with graffiti. “You see that?” sounded Ellie, “KRKN = B.R.N.C.L.”

“Yeah,” confirmed Sally. “The grammar’s not great, but someone rose earlier than us, to confirm our next breadcrumb.”

Speaking of early risers, at the other end of the universe, Rusty—Tawny—Cosmoid—Link had finished supper in the lodge (grilled northern pike / Tawny had used her native powers to lure supper to a net off the dock) and then they all retired to staff quarters to catch the NHL hockey playoffs on an old RCA Victor “Golden Throat” Radio.

Within minutes…. Link was lights out on the floor—Cos was snoring a melody from his weathered recliner—Tawny was next to Rusty on the couch.

The sofa was something built during the Eisenhower administration, everyone sagged toward the middle.  Even spaced out, as Tawny nodded off innocently, she naturally gravitated in Rusty’s direction of personal space.

FLATHERS sat bolt upright…. Smelling the spring lilac mint of her hair that now rested against his shoulder…. He could only think one thing: “Not good…. Not good…. I need to LOCK IT UP!”

–To Be Continued—