SEASON FINALE!

Part TWENTYSEVEN – continued from last week’s episode –

When Rusty entered the Thirsty Trout, he marched without pause toward the pool table. Buzz was leaning over an eight-ball corner pocket shot and abruptly stood at attention with a “hell just froze over” look of disbelief.

“I knew I was right not to pull into this place ten years ago!” Rusty barked as he brought the winter midnight breeze with him into the tavern. Also, at his flanks were Sally Squatsnfishes, THE Professor Cosmoid Scale, a host of local and state police authorities, and one member representing the (RCN) Royal Canadian Navy.

“I hate you, Rusty Flathers! I hate YOU!” steamed the goon.  “You’ve been a crayfish stuck in my craw since the day I watched you leave the ball diamond with Ellie Waylayer.”

It had been ten years since Senior Day on the ball field when “his friend” Rusty left him alone in the dugout. Buzz’s observation was that this ultimate backstabber trapsed off into the sunset, a completely inept baseball pitcher, but a winner in the heart of Ellie Waylayer. She was stunning in that halter-top, walking hand in hand with Rusty, while he sat on the bench with a sack of ice on his swollen ball sack. It was all Rusty’s fault. His final errant throw that shell shocked Buzz’s life (and nut protector) would be met one day with revenge. Or so he planned.

The legendary gig was up now that Antoine “Buzz” Fishbeard” stood outside in handcuffs, surrounded by flashing lights, and facing his impending ride downtown. His failed attempt to hold famed outdoor fashion model Sally Squatsnfishes for ransom and extinguish the life of a former friend (Rusty) had blown up like a firecracker stuck in a snapping turtle’s behind. It was messy.

Jealousy at a flamethrower level… Rusty thought back to his final weeks of high school and the summer that followed. Finding his car jacked up on blocks in the parking lot with wheels off the ground. His cleated baseball spikes missing from the dugout moments after a game. Tabasco sauce hidden in saucy liquid layers under a pepperoni pizza at The Junction. A jock strap layered with creamy Icy Hot. The list went on and on…

Without much consideration he’d always thought cousins Skip and Scoop were responsible for many of these charades. But now the truth had spawned. Buzz Fishbeard had become ferocious and unpredictable as an enemy.

As the confession became public… Buzz’s plan to kidnap Sally was created only a few months prior when he ran into his Aunt Genevie at the local fish market down on the lake shore. She was there to purchase some freshly caught salmon and Buzz was retrieving coolers of fish packed on ice to take home and process fillets for the King Fishery. For his services he was paid 95-cents a fish. Barely enough to support his ambitious beer drinking habit.

It was during this meeting of chance that she (Aunt G) had absent mindedly made a comment about previously hearing from their shirt tailed relative Professor Cosmoid Scale. In a letter she had received… Cosmoid had offered promising hope of soon being released from his “witness protection” location.

Against said rules of correspondence he had also mentioned WAY TOO MUCH detail about his current whereabouts, and that he was giving serious thought to taking up nearby residency around his few remaining relatives. In the finality of his letter his only request was to keep this information “on the down low”.

Long standing rumors and disbelief of the incredible Mangrove Killfish and the ability for a human to communicate with said fish were confirmed when Buzz discovered the secret whereabouts of Professor Cosmoid Scales off grid location. This little tidbit of information had also come from his loving and loose lipped Aunt Genevie. What affairs can truly transpire in an insignificant lake town with a single trip to the fish market!

Sitting at the coffee table in the front parlor of Professor Cosmoid’s refuge… Buzz had pointed a loaded revolver at his aging relative, in search of answers and deep-rooted international secrets.

What came to fact was that this powerful fish was truly amphibious. AND there was only one known remaining of its kind. It secretly and currently resided peacefully in the hometown waters which both Rusty and Buzz had grown up. With proper instruction it could be ordered to kill man or beast!

Game… Set… Match… Buzz would return home… Keep the Professor in an upstairs bedroom of his house under continuous lock and key… Learn the Royal Canadian Navy training secrets of the Mangrove Killifish… Obliterate the life of one Rusty Flathers… And gain retribution by ransoming his famous outdoor fashion model girlfriend Sally Squatsnfishes.

Communication with the Mangrove Killifish was accomplished through high wave frequency. By dialing up certain pings and scripts of vibrations, (Professor Scale had altered a Lowrance HD-12 electronic sonar global satellite positioning device) Buzz could successfully instruct the movement of the fish on land or underwater and carry out his plotted assassination on an unassuming target (Rusty Flathers).

The total of this information was forcefully provided to Antoine “Buzz” Flatbeard through the teachings of Professor Cosmoid Scale. In exchange, the aging Professor received: food, water, a continued beating heart, and access to a 24-hour news channel on the TV ( Eh Canada Today Eh).

Buzz had never intended for Lefty Van Clutterbuck to be involved in his plot and or murdered.  His inaccurate reconnaissance led him to believe that Rusty was ice fishing alone that fateful winter evening when the initial attack of the Mangrove Killifish was programmed. It was only by happenstance that Rusty was outside the ice shanty relieving himself when Lefty lost limb and life.

In the end, yes, it was Sally he was truly after. He knew she could be held for ransom, but he also secretly wished for a Hail Mary in which she would magically fall in love with him. For this to happen he needed Rusty out of the picture. Thankfully that photo never came to fruition.

It was also accurate that Buzz and Rusty shared many wonderful youthful adventures. They were basically one in the same… Together like salt and pepper.

But as wholesome as the two had been together… People change patterns just like gamefish.

“Professor… It’s time we go catch ourselves a trophy fish and put an end to this Mangrove Killfish story,” Rusty stated as they slapped the cuffs on Buzz and drove him away.

“Yes Rusty… It is… And I think we both know the WOMAN that can successfully get it done!” countered Professor Scale.

–            The End Season One –

What’s in the very near future for Rusty? Stay tuned next week for the start of SEASON NUMBER TWO. More piscatorial tales along with other humorous adventures!