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SEASON 2, EPISODE 15

Season TWO – Episode 15 – “IF THE HOUSE IS A ROCKIN

 

Rattled from his late afternoon nap… Rusty woke to a stampede of vehicles honking horns and spinning donuts in the parking area of the ranch. The fly-fishing clients, along with their guides and Sally’s team, had returned from their Windrush River adventure.

 

Ambling toward the third-floor window he could see coolers of beer being opened… Two Trout (the Gold Rope Ranch beer of choice) tallboys were being tossed in every direction… Excessive amounts of high fiving were taking place amongst the crowd.

 

Then hell froze over!! From his peripheral Rusty caught Sally and Ellie, shoulder to shoulder, sitting on the tailgate of a ’74 Chevy Cheyenne Super C-10. They were hoisting beers, belly laughing, and clinking cans (cheers) REPEATEDLY with foam-soaked lips.

 

This couldn’t be good!! At least not for Rusty Flathers. Serious discussions had to be had with each of these two 21st century outdoor-asskicking-frontier women. But if “the house is a rockin”, does he dare bother knocking! From his catbird location it appeared as though amends between the girls had been made.

 

Another knock at the door… Lots of folks knocking on his door lately. Soon or later Rusty was going to have to do some knocking of his own.

 

Moving toward the peephole he could see Archer Sting (renowned lead cameraman) perched on his roost with a laptop in hand. “Yes Archer, what’s up?” he called through the door.

 

     “Dude, you gotta let me in! You’re not going to believe this!” was Archer’s response.

 

     “Good lord… Can’t a guy just hang out in his underwear for a day and not be badgered,” Rusty muttered to himself. “I’m the one who had the damn arrow stuck through my hand.  Gimme a chance to breathe!”

 

As he swung the door open… Archer practically knocked Rusty to the floor, plowing through the entry and heading for the coffee table. Then he placed his laptop, opened the screen, and insisted “Man, you won’t believe the day we just had!”

 

The film from the flip drive rolled… Rusty sitting inches from the screen… Speechless… Eyes the size of beer league softballs…

 

First it was the catch-catch-catch fly fishing duel between Sally and Ellie. Next the midstream face off where they launched themselves toward “No Fuckin’ Way” rapids. Then the MONSTER trout stalemate with the fish getting off and the gals wrestling their way down river.

 

And then… And then this happened… And the entirety of it was caught on film by Sir Archer Sting.

 

During their unhinged, unstaged, uncontrolled rage of fury river wrestling contest… Sally Squatsnfishes and Ellie Waylayer splashed and floundered their way downriver toward an unbeknownst new Monfuckintana state record rainbow trout.

 

Still in a bear hug… The current washed the women toward a windward and shallow current swept sandbar. Shallow enough that each could gain footing.

 

Ellie was the first to touch bottom. With this advantage she spun counterclockwise and locked her hands to the interior of Sally’s fly-fishing waders. Then with built momentum and a thundering scream… She deadlifted Sally from the river’s depths and flipped her toward the beach. It was like watching Vasily Alekseyev (considered one of the greatest Olympic deadlift champions from the 1970’s).

 

Sally was now a lake sturgeon, making a huge backsplash in three feet of water. And Ellie was a crazed wildebeest with high sloping shoulders and arms jutting out like horns attempting to smother its prey.

 

But what neither of them saw… Momentarily… Was the trout. THE TROUT! The “No Fucking Way”, this is a state record, get the certified scale out TROUT!

 

Mysteriously, it happened to be swimming its way across Sally’s lap as she sat upright in the water preparing to receive Ellie, who was airborne, coming in red-hot off the top ropes. Wrong place wrong time, or right place right time pending whether you are the fish or the fisherman.

 

Upon impact the rainbow trout became entangled in the uproar between these two hooligans. Kicking and screaming the three (Sally-Ellie-Trout) rolled their way toward shore, emerged from the water, and flogged about multi directionally on the sandbar.

 

The flopping fish caught the attention of the two women and promptly brought a cease fire. Sally let go of two wadded fists of Ellie’s hair… Likewise, Ellie returned the favor, along with spitting out a few shreds of Helly Hansen outerwear (there were no pre-established rules concerning biting).

 

Together they pounced on the marked-up fish and held it up securely in their arms. Then they hugged the fish… Hugged each other… And danced about laughing and frolicking in the sand.

 

Rusty stared at the screen, shook his head, and then grumbled aloud “Do these two EVER fail at anything?” The second question that popped was “How long are these two going to keep laughing and hugging each other?!”

 

Rhetorical questions… He then watched them successfully measure, weigh and release the new Montana STATE RECORD rainbow trout.

 

As Archer Sting’s clip came to an end… There was a still shot of the girls hoisting their catch. He had posted the length and weight (37.874-inches and 41.395-pounds) across the screen, only it was highlighted with an asterisk.

 

By standard ruling a trout caught by hand is not eligible to be a state record. A fish must be caught using hook and line in a sporting manner. Hand grabbing is considered to be illegal, and the fish must be caught using legal equipment.

 

This fact clearly did not detract from the celebration on screen between Sally and Ellie, and the one that now continued below in the parking area of the ranch. Everyone involved was counting this day as the ultimate Monfuckingtana fishing success story!

 

“Nice hustle on the shoot,” Rusty congratulated Archer. Then he candidly pointed out the window to Sally and Ellie who were sharing yet another embrace on the tailgate, and asked “You ever wonder if “the house is a rockin” you SHOULD bother knocking?”

 

–            To Be Continued –